I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
