I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
