I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
