i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
