Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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