I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
