i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
