You can't motorboat a personality
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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