Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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