the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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