we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
