Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize