We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
