He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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