His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
