Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
