Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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