Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
