I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
