i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
