He is an equal opportunity slut.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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