So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
