Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
