Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
