what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
