big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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