Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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