so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
