Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
