her vagina looked like bernie madoff
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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