am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
porn star boner night. come get it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
