if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
