I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
