Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
