I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
