i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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