everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
