Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
