am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
