This is not my ceiling
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
