I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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