I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
