i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
