Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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