I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
