Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
