What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
