Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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