I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
