I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
